Relapse

I have been trying for 3 days to write something, but every time, I was so tired, or my eyes couldn't handle the computer screen, and I gave up. I'm only posting now because work is slow at this second and I have to be in front of the computer for work. So this post is a weird combination of everything I started and didn't finish since Thursday.

This weekend should have been the best weekend I've had in a month. Friday night I went to yoga. I was unexpectedly stiff but it was wonderful as always. Saturday morning I woke up, weighed in, confirmed the 12-pound weight loss I had suspected, and went to Lucky's. I ran a mile before I swam - the original plan was 3, but I just couldn't do it. My leg was really stiff and sore. In any case, I ran (actually, I hobbled) the mile and swam a kilometer. I felt dizzy as I climbed out of the water, and really tired, exhausted actually, like I could go home and go back to sleep, but I ignored it and went home to clean up for . . . .

UCF vs. Texas.

[Segue]Yes, not a big deal to all you people who already have a big-time college team with their own stadium, but after 25+ years of living in Orlando, it's nice to finally have a semi-respectable football team and our own house. For those of you who don't know, Texas is the #6 team in the country and UCF is a little, Conference USA team. UCF was a 17-19 point underdog with a 49 over/under and almost pulled off an upset in the fourth quarter. With Texas trailing by 1, though, our quarterback fumbled a pass and Texas recovered the ball. Texas went on to win 35-32. Yeah, they won, but it's got to suck for Texas to almost be beaten by a non-ranked, non-conference team that just got their own stadium.[/Segue]

I didn't drink much at the game, but I was exhausted and didn't eat any real food till 9. I was sick to my stomach and the food actually made me sicker. Everything seemed to make me feel ill from then on. I haven't eaten a whole meal since the middle of last week. On the way to the game I had noticed that my voice sounded funny in my head when I talked, almost hollow. Just like the dizziness getting out of the water, I ignored it.

Sunday morning I went for a run. I was trying to get done in time to go to yoga, but at the last minute I decided to run an additional mile point three. My leg felt pretty good and I would have gone for 5 or 6 miles, but again I was trying to get done in time for yoga and I had chafing. Major chafing. Apparently the day before, sweating my ass off at the football game while walking all over campus, I had chafed and not noticed, so I didn't put on BodyGlide for such a short run, but I should have. Overall, I felt marvelous, though. I kept thinking about Faithless' song, God is a DJ, while I was running and listening to my tunes. Ahh, training, I thought. "This is my church. This is where I heal my hurts." I went home and Al and I went out for breakfast. Again, sick to my stomach. Breakfast didn't help much. By that afternoon, I was so sick and dizzy that I couldn't finish my homework and I almost passed out while grocery shopping in Publix. My heart palpitations were really bad and I even had some of my typical minor chest pain.

My ears are now so full I can barely stand the pressure. I went to bed last night around 7pm and tossed and turned until almost midnight, falling in and out of sleep. The entire night was one hypnagogic hallucination after another. I don't know when I actually fell asleep or if I even fell asleep. Right now my eyes hurt. My medicine isn't helping. I am so tired. The worst part is, there's nothing I can do. I can't go home. My boss already let me work part time for about a month to get better, and I was already sick for a week in July. If I go home and rest, I will catch major shit from him, especially because he's already accused me of being addicted to my prescription medicine.

The neurotologist (ENT that specializes in dizziness and balance problems) has advised me to go back on my medicine, which I was really trying to stay OFF of, especially since I don't want to perpetuate my boss' accusations. But I have to go pick it up at lunch, choke down a couple pills and hope for the best. So there is no ending to this post, happy or otherwise. It's just a wait and see. Wait and see when my life will return to normal. I thought it finally had. Apparently, I was wrong. If this continues, I may have to withdraw from classes again and not graduate in May.