Swim, Bike, OM.

I've been very open about my love affair with College Park Yoga. As emo, as new-age, as mother-earth, hippie-chick as it sounds . . . when I go there, I just feel like I am at home. When I spend any significant length of time in the studio, I unfailingly come away feeling as if I've had some kind of spiritual and physical awakening. (This endorsement is not paid for in any way, unless you count the satisfaction I get by introducing new people to the studio.) There is just no other place in the world where I can focus completely on the often-overlooked, ever-important connection between mind and body.

Well, besides in the pool, on a good day, thousands of yard, strong drills, good catch-and-release, with my shoulders burning and only 2 breaths per 50. {Flavor Flav}YEEEAAA BOOIII!!!!{/Flavor Flav.}

See, the thing is . . . most people completely underrate yoga. Oh, it's just breathing. It's just stretching. It's just relaxing. You don't really work in yoga. Or, if you're working that hard at yoga, it must be one of those weird "hot" yoga joints where they crank up the heat to like 96.

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG!

I can tell you that, on a weekend of back-to-back classes at CPY, there is no muscle in my body that does not feel both incredibly at ease and totally worked. I'm not quite sure whether I blame the upper body fatigue I've got on the 3000yd swim on Saturday or the yoga two days this weekend - but, suffice it to say, the yoga had an impact either way.

And it's not just that. I go to yoga there because it is a place where, without judgment or criticism, I can completely, totally, 100% GET AWAY. I get away from my house, my animals, my worries, New Guy, my job, my friends, my family - AND ME. I GET AWAY from ME.

Believe me, everyone needs a getaway from me - especially me.

I am positively exhausting. The thoughts constantly running through my head, the obsessing, the fretting about tiny details, the indecisiveness, the excitement and excitability, the incessant giggling and unstoppable chatter - not to mention the tireless philosophizing.

You know how our ideas of what we are vs. what we REALLY are are so different. Well, that? Is how I feel (some times).----->

<----That? Is what I really AM. (Makes ya tired just lookin' at it, doesnt it?)

Anyway, since my IT band is still tweaked, I'm not running yet. It was really rough at the beginning of last week (like, drink 1.5 bottles of fucking wine to fall asleep rough), so I backed off from all activity this week. With good results, I just started back to swimming, yoga and cycling this weekend. Hector (of course) kicked my ass today in spin class. Four of us were waiting outside the room, all the bikes were full except the old, rickety one. And, of course, $he spotted me, yelled out my name to everyone and put me RIGHT at the FRONT of the CLASS . . . . on the oldest bike, no less. And he doesn't realize I'm still injured.

UGH. It wasn't as fun as my last class. I got my ass kicked.

But, in all fairness? I needed an (mental and emotional) ass-kicking. I mean, what kind of intelligent, self-respecting girl - after everything I've been through, especially recently - what kind of strong, supposedly independent woman continues to date a guy who has admitted he doesn't know what he wants out of the relationship, doesn't make plans with her very far in advance and isn't clear with any of his words or actions, but continues treating her like a girlfriend?

The kind that needs an ass-kicking.

As I lie in shavasana this morning, trying to clear all the thoughts from my brain (and nearly succeeding, I am very proud to say), T. reminded us of something very important, very basic - something even the most poorly informed wannabe yogi would understand and agree with: yoga is about trying to get steady. Trying to get the mind steady (and, of course, the body will eventually follow). But to be steady, she said (paraphrased, of course - the exact quote is at the top of my blog), you don't spend time wanting to be where you're not, even if that "other place" is "better" than the place you currently are. And yes, I'm going to apply what she said to life and not just to yoga here . . . . if you're in pain, if you're comfortable, if you're happy, if you're sad (if you're boyfriend and girlfriend, if you're not - if you want to be and he doesn't) - it's more about acknowledging and accepting what IS than it is about trying to make everything something it's NOT. And then she added something which, for me, is an even more important reminder about every single little aspect of my life right now and about how completely spun up (NICE PUN!) I get . . . .

and then you have to be willing to let go.

Even if you didn't read my previous entry, that is so eerily accurate for what I'm going through at this place in my life that anyone can see how it resonated with me.

I am still shooting for St. Anthony's. If I can afford FL 70.3 and it's still open, I'll probably sign up for that with my next paycheck. I'm trying to be where I am, and where I am is trained enough for an Olympic to 70.3 and an occasional half marathon . . . no more - and, on some days, that's even the limit. But there are plenty of months and years for me to worry about 140.6 and 26.2 . . . . and, as I said before, it's not like we all know I can't do it.

And I keep moving on . . . letting go . . and being where I am. Still no Kona decisions. I'm just loving on him and working through it.

Swim workout: 3000yds. 300 free warmup. 200 yds each: fingertip drag drill, fist drill, kickboard (2x200), pull buoy, side kick with fins. Mixed with 15sec RI and 200yd free in between. 300 free cooldown.

Spin workout: warmup at moderate resistance. Single-leg drills, accelerators at 15-and 30-second intervals. Repeats of 75-90% effort, 7-9 level resistance: 45 seconds seated, 15 out of saddle.