Truthfully . . . . (that shouldn't shock anyone, right?)

I'm sick and I should be sleeping, but I'm too heartsick to pass out. See, it's been a year since I got divorced, 6 months since I dumped Tony, and I've been dating a guy. And I thought that there was a real possibility this was The Guy. Like, more than any other guy I've ever known. There are some other details I won't disclose to protect innocent parties (including him), because I just Don't Roll Like That, but I'm not scared to say that I was seriously falling for him.

Anyway, I narrowed down my whole stable of dudes to date this guy. He seemed like everything I wanted. We were taking it beautifully slow: after a month of dating, we were still "courting" despite seeing each other nearly every day. He was smart, tall, funny, just the right amount of nerdy, sweet, cooked me dinner all the time, took good care of me and blew my mind all the way around. He knew everything about my rough past and seemed completely capable of handling it.

And then the shit went down.

One particulalry lovely night together, he interrupted our embrace to take a call from his best female friend. He went into another room, had a hushed conversation with her, and came out to announce he was going out with her the next night. He blew off my concerns that next night, ignored my text messages and stayed out so late with her he was 1.75 hrs late to work the next day. After a heated conversation, during which I managed to convince him just WHY this would make me feel insecure about our fledgling romance, he then almost blew me off AGAIN - not for her, but for something else. We had a great talk about it, seemed to reach an understanding and went out the next night and had an even more amazing time.

The next day, he not only threatened to stand me up for a Super Bowl party where he was going to meet some of my friends (please note: I've already met all of his), he then spent the entire party sitting in a chair texting someone. To make matters worse? It was the same female friend.

I am emotional. I am mushy. I was thinking this guy had The One potential. I cried. And he didn't do much to make me feel better, despite me crying off all my makeup in front of him. He told me it wasn't my fault, and that he knew things were rough, but that this friend of his was having a tough time and needed him. His explanation of her problems? About 1/16 of mine. As we all know, I'm the poster child for problems. I explained that to him, and how I was right in front of him and could use his support too. He responded that he didn't want to talk about it any more. And I snapped back that he obviously wasn't as patient as he claimed.

And that's the last time we talked. My next text to him, a peace offering of sorts, to try to get things ironed out one way or the other - his responses were now curt, 1 or 2 words. Finally he agrees to talk. But he wants me to wait until it's good for HIM. By the way, he's now suddenly going out of town for the weekend - the weekend he knew I was doing my next marathon, I might add - and can only talk to me before then. On a night that's good for him. When I ask him to spare me the suspense and just tell me what's going on? He is going to do some kind of house chore and can't talk. And then he ignores my texts altogether.

Because a house chore is ALWAYS more important than sparing the heart of a girl about whom you claim to care.

Then, several hours later, his response is still that he will talk to me in two days. After I openly admitted I was worried about his answer to my question regarding the nature of the outcome.

And that tells me all I need to know. So here's my plan . . .

1. Don't let anyone rent negative space in your head (thanks Nuk)
2. Get mad, get tough, get it done (you know who you are)
3. Have a kick-ass marathon that's guaranteed to be better than Philly because my sinusitis isn't full blown, I'm going to eat more, I don't have so many health problems and I'm better-trained, know how to pull long races out of my ass and I JUST PLAIN KICK ASS
4. Rock the hell out of the new, smaller-sized clothing I'm wearing
5. Try not to cry myself to sleep over him
6. Enjoy myself
7. Finish my financial crap
8. Go back to school
9. Potentially meet a MUCH more deserving guy

I think that sounds like a plan to me.