Reality bytes.

(Bytes, as in data . . . because reality surely doesn't bite for me right now. Things are going SO much better than I ever imagined. It's the best my life has been in about 3 years.)

Finally.

I had a great weekend. I mean, a really great weekend. The little pieces of MAJ v.3.1.2 started to come together. I don't know how else to describe it, but it just sorta clicked.

I got healthy snacks for the week, saw friends I hadn't seen in a long time, got stuff done around my house, BBE and I had two great nights in a row and a nice long Sunday doing some homework and stuff for his house. Saturday I tried to swim, but I got all the way to the Y, realized my goggles weren't in my swim bag, and then a storm hit on my way back. So I made an hour-long mix of new tunes and hopped on the trainer for an hour. It was a mix of sets from my old cycling workouts last yearR: big chain ring, aero, standing up, high cadence and speed sets - I averaged just under 20 mph. I was VERY pleased.

I'm trying to save up some money to do HOT again in August. In the meantime, I'm just working out. I did 2 workouts on the trainer - not the 3 I hoped for, but I don't really care. I'm not training specifically for something, I'm just trying to keep moving. This week I hope to do a few more and some weights. I just pulled a cool new strength routine from Shape. I used to use their routines because it let me change up my weights every month or so and vary my intensity based on my fitness level. Obviously, I'm still shooting for my November 70.3, which is paid for.
Just really, totally, completely back to basics.

For months now, everyone's told me to get back to basics. I said I was doing it 100 times, but now I'm finally there.

Segue . . .

BBE doesn't post things online. I mean, nothing. He's totally against publishing personal information on the internet - no pics, status updates, nothing. And you know me . . . I don't care. I've shared my personal life with all of you guys for years.

But there are still things I haven't shared.

Don't ask me how I can share tales about MDD, bulimia, my divorce, alcholic ex-boyfriends, job changes, and self-esteem issues - but not get specific about my financial trouble. Of course, I've shared that now, mostly because I've realized that millions of other Americans are going through foreclosures, bankruptcies, etc. - just like me. What it boils down to - for ME - is that I didn't realize how devastated I'd be by my divorce. I don't mean I miss being married to Al or am broken up about Al. Al is now one of my best friends, and I wouldn't go back to him for anything - no, what I mean is that I really wasn't prepared for the financial difficulty of returning to a single income.

On the emotional side, I've realized I DO want to be married - just to the right guy. But it's been hard to learn to depend on someone again, which has put some serious strain on my new relationship, too. Some of that also resolved itself this weekend. Once I realized what pressure I've been putting on myself (financially and emotionally) and BBE (emotionally) because of my self-esteem and post-divorce hangups, I was able to see his faults and mine a little more clearly.

Relationships and money are a lot alike. There are good times and bad. Some times you have either, both, or none. But neither one is really that serious. It's all about managing whatever love or money comes your way in a way that you can handle. There are very few genuinely bad guys and very few genuinely hopeless financial situations. But there are always sacrifices. And you have to decide what you're willing to sacrifice.

The good thing about underestimating people and money is that, when both turn out to be WAY better than you expected, instead of finding yourself scrambling, you can actually stop, breathe, and appreciate.

The Year of the MAJ is finally underway.